Of Voodoo Dolls and Fortune Cookies
by AmazonTurk
Summary: Reno pisses someone off and revenge is sweet. Rated M for swearing and a mastabatory display in a ritzy restaurant. Now that's classy!


**_A/N: I am a bad, bad, BAD person and I don't care who knows it, so there! Again, two are my original characters. Blah, blah...I know, I HATE original characters too, but for me, they're kinda interesting. But they have flaws...they aren't Mary Sue's, so please don't hate me too much. And they just band together to torture Reno, so they can't be that bad, right? Right?!_**

****

**_Disclaimer: I don't own them (except Kandi and Katrina)...I just use them to my advantage. Or take advantage of them. Either way, it's a good thing._**

"Tseng, do you have any red thread?"

Tseng looked up from his computer screen to see one of his newest Turks standing in the doorway of his office, leaning casually against the door jam.

"No, I'm afraid I don't," he answered. "Why do you need it? Did you lose a button? If so, our uniforms are black and white, you wouldn't need red."

Kandi shook her head, looking disappointed. "No, my uniform is fine," she sighed. "Listen, I'm gonna take off for about twenty minutes. I have an errand I need to run."

Tseng nodded his head, but raised an elegant eyebrow in question. "Is everything all right?"

"Not yet," she answered, turning to go. "But it will be."

* * *

Reno opened up the little Wutain dessert cookie left over from lunch and took the slip of paper inside out.

"Remember, Reno, you've got to add 'under the sheets' after your fortune," Katrina told him as she took a sip of her Diet Pepsi.

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, his eyes scanning over the tiny writing. He laughed. "It says, 'Your prowess and agility will greatly increase...under the sheets!'"

Katrina snatched the paper out from his hand. "It does not!" she shrieked, reading the words. "Dammit! It does!"

Reno grinned as he placed his hands behind his head. "I love those damn things," he said. "Little Wutain words of wisdom. Speaking of little Wutain's, I've gotta head out. I've got a date with Yuffie tonight." He winked at Katrina. "Let's see if my fortune comes true, eh?"

"Gross!" she giggled. "Have fun. I gotta meet with Vincent anyway."

"Vampire got a craving?" Reno teased.

"Fuck off, Reno," Katrina snapped. "He's not a vampire."

"I know," he said as they headed out of the break room. "Hey, have you seen Kandi and Rude?"

"On assignment," Katrina answered. "They got baby-sitting duty, I mean, guard duty for Rufus tonight."

"Tough break," he said as he stepped into the elevator. "Glad it ain't me."

"True that," Katrina answered. "Later Reno."

"Later."

* * *

"Well, that wasn't so bad," Rude said as he drove himself and Kandi back to headquarters. "I thought it was going to be an all night thing."

She nodded and simply stared ahead. He glanced over at her and raised an eyebrow over the tops of his sunglasses. "You still pissed at Reno?"

Her jawed stiffened, but she managed a small nod. "He had no right to do that," she said quietly. "That was my private email to you. It didn't need to be posted in the men's restroom."

Rude tried not to smile, but failed miserably. "If it's any consolation, I'm now envied by every male that visited said restroom."

She gave him a small grin. "Some, but not enough," she answered, reaching into her jacket pocket and producing a little doll with a black suit and red hair. "This...will get me the revenge I need."

Rude glanced at her. "A doll?" he asked. "What's that going to do?"

Whipping out her lighter, she lit the doll's pants on fire. "Punish him," she said with a wicked laugh.

* * *

"Wow, Reno, this place is awesome!" Yuffie squealed as she looked around the restaurant.

"Only the best for you, Babe," he said as he poured her a glass of expensive champagne. Suddenly, he jumped up from his seat, feeling incredibly warm. "What the hell?"

Yuffie looked at him oddly. "Reno, are you okay?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah," he said, sitting back down and smoothing out his clothes. He felt it again, this time the other leg. "Ouch!"

"Reno..."

"I think something bit me!" he exclaimed, rubbing his legs.

* * *

"Do you know where Reno is tonight?" Kandi asked Rude as they drove along.

"Took Yuffie to this fancy shmancy restaurant in Old Midgar," he said. "Wants tonight to be special or something."

She grinned. "Do you know where it is?" she asked.

He nodded and cast her a crooked smile. "Planning on causing some mischief with that little doll?"

"Uh huh," she answered. "Care to join me for dinner, Big Boy?"

Rude laughed and turned down a side street, making his way to the restaurant. "Wouldn't miss it, Hot Stuff."

* * *

After the last little episode, Reno was relieved that everything seemed to go back to normal. The appetizers arrived and were delicious and the main course would be there shortly. He was so wrapped up in Yuffie that he didn't even see the familiar suits walk in and sit at the bar, observing him.

"Watch this," Kandi whispered to Rude as she sipped her Mai Tai. She lifted Reno Doll's hand and brought it down, watching as Real Reno's arm flopped lamely at the table, knocking over about a 50 gil glass of wine.

"How are you doing that?" Rude asked.

"Manipulate materia," she giggled. "Cool, huh?"

Rude took a drink of his whiskey. "Very."

"It's just gonna get better, Baby," Kandi said with a wink.

"Remind me never to cross you."

She laughed and started rubbing between the doll's legs.

"Uh, Babe, why are you molesting the doll?" Rude asked.

She grinned evilly. "Watch."

Reno was becoming uncomfortable again. After he lost all control of his arm, he seemed to now be experiencing a relapse into puberty where he couldn't control his hormones.

_Too much to drink and Yuffie just looks too damn hot in that skimpy little dress_, he thought to himself, trying not to think about how constricting his pants were now. _Don't think about it, don't think about it, don't...OH SHIT!!!!_

To his absolute horror, his hand was sliding off the table and down to his lap. Of it's own accord, it undid the buckle on his belt and unzipped his pants.

"Uh, Reno," Yuffie said, watching him as he broke out into an abrupt sweat. "What are you doing?"

"I'm...nng...nothing," he panted as his hand gripped his erection and began moving along it's length.

"Reno, you are most definitely doing something!" Yuffie hissed across the table. "And was that a zipper I heard?"

"Unn...no...yes! Oh gods, um..." he stammered out. His hand was gripping harder and moving faster inside his pants. Then, before he knew what was happening, his other hand came down to assist the first.

"Reno!" Yuffie shouted at him indignantly. "Stop it! Oh my gods!"

"I...can't...stop!" he panted out loudly, drawing the attention of the other restaurant patrons. "Yuffie...you unn...gotta...help me!!!"

Yuffie stood up and threw her napkin down on her plate. "Looks like you got it handled there, Reno," she spat out as he threw her water in his face. "Cool off, you perv!"

Reno came just as she walked away, his fluid covering his hands. "Dammit!" he yelled, finally taking control of his limbs again and zipping up his pants. "Yuffie!"

He ran out the door after her and once he was gone, the two Turks at the bar burst into laughter.

"Shit!" Rude gasped. "He is so gonna be pissed at you!"

Kandi reached into her pocket and produced a Rude doll. "Uh, I don't think he's going to be finding out it's me anytime soon," she said, running her fingers over the crotch of the new doll. "Do you?"

While he still had control of his limbs, Rude grabbed her by the hand and led her out to his car. "Nope," he said, kissing her fiercely. "My place?"

"Uh huh."

* * *

Reno was dropping off some papers in Kandi and Katrina's office. Things were patched up with Yuffie again, thank Leviathan. Unfortunately, he was now banned from the only decent restaurant in a ten mile radius from his apartment. No biggie. At least Yuffie had forgiven him.

He spied something that caught his eye on Kandi's desk. A book. Now, normally, Reno hated books, but this one, was different.

"Voodoo Dolls and Materia: A Beginner's Guide."

Next to it were little piece of black material and red thread. The realization hit him, just like his hand as it came up to slap his face.

"Oh shit," he said as he involuntairly turned to see Kandi grinning at him and holding a little figure of himself.

Hannibal Lector had nothing on her as she looked at him through eyes filled with vengeance and seethed out the words, "Hello Reno."

_**(A/N: Bwah ha ha ha ha!!! Had to do it! Poor Reno! He knows I lurve him, though. Bwah ha ha ha ha!!!)**_


End file.
